Thoughts at 2 Months

Joshua my love...I can't believe you've been here for two months already. We've been praying and hoping for you to be here for a little over two years now. It's been a full two years. We've grieved for your older brother or sister. We've wondered what was taking so long (turns out you've been stubborn every step of the way). We've experienced raw hope at finding out you were on your way. We've been anxious about hearing your heart beat (well mostly I was anxious...your daddy is rock solid) and seeing you on the ultrasound. We've felt inexplicable joy at meeting you for the first time.

You look so different now from the day you were born, it's hard to believe how much you've grown.

Here are some developmental milestones you've met so far:

• Growing like a weed. You have grown from 20 inches to 24 3/4 inches! You've gained almost 5 pounds (8 lbs, 14 oz at birth to 13 lbs, 12 oz at 2 month checkup)!
• Smiling on purpose. I think you managed a smile for me at 3 weeks 3 days, but I caught it on video on your 1 month birthday. Proof! Now you smile at us all the time.
• Holding your head up. You lifted your head during tummy time when you were less than 2 weeks old! Now you have no problem holding your head still while we hold you propped up, and at 8 weeks 6 days you sat in the Bumbo for the first time. You didn't like it very much.
• Batting at toys. You started this around 6 weeks I think. You aren't quite controlled enough yet to reach out and grab a specific toy, but you know that if you flail around your arms you'll hit the toys hanging from the bar over your play mat. 
• Tracking movement by moving your eyes and turning your head. I don't remember exactly when you started doing this, but you've been very alert almost from day 1.
• Grasping. You can hold fingers or small toys for a short period of time, though I'm not sure you know what you are doing yet or how to keep holding on.
• Clasping your hands together. You just started doing this more around the 8 week mark, right before your 2 month check up.
• Bringing your hands to your mouth on purpose to suck on them. You have definitely started all the pre-teething signs. Lots of drooling and sucking on your fingers. This is quite handy in the car when you've spit your pacy out...yay for self-soothing!
• Cooing and "talking." You sure make a lot of funny noises. Sometimes you coo at us like you are telling us a story or how you are feeling. Sometimes it seems like you are just talking to yourself. :-) I think you inherited this from mommy.
• Kicking. Ok, let's be honest. You've been kicking me for more time than you've been alive. But things are looking good for you to be a soccer player like Daddy's hoping. :-) You have a play mat with a piano on the end of it that plays music and makes noise when you kick. This is one of your favorite things to do! It also has a mirror hanging from it, and you really like looking at yourself. We started this around 6 weeks too.

Other firsts:

• First time meeting your Grandad and Grandma Elaine, plus all your Hardwick aunts and uncles.
• First Facetime, a few hours. Met your Uncle Matt.
• First Skype, 3 days. Met (virtually) your Grandma Massmann, then met your Paw Paw and Grandma Norma.
• First bath at home, 5 days.
• First outing, 6 days. Sorry, buddy, Mommy needs to get out of the house! We went to Target and Costco (Ok, you stayed in the car with Grandma) and ate lunch outside at The Corner Bakery.
• First family baby sitter, 1 week 3 days. Grandma Massmann watches you while you sleep. Mommy and Daddy go eat dinner at IHOP.
• First visit to Mommy's work, 2 weeks 1 day.
• First Halloween.
• First trip inside Target, 2 weeks 5 days. Yes, this is an important first. You've since been to Target multiple times. You don't seem to mind as long as you are sleeping or I don't stop to browse (keep it movin'). You are so much like your Daddy.
• First time at church, 2 weeks 6 days.  
• First Thanksgiving
• First time sleeping through the night (8 1/2 hours!), 8 weeks 4 days
• First non-family babysitter, 8 weeks 5 days (2 months on the nose). Mommy and Daddy went to The Melting Pot with friends. You slept most of the time, then woke up and had a bottle, diaper change, and snuggled with your babysitter Hannah. When we got home we played a little bit and then you went right back to sleep and slept most of the way through the night again!

Things you like:

• Your swing.
• Snuggling on daddy's chest.
• Mommy singing to you when you are trying to go to sleep. For some reason, my repertoire includes a strange mix of lullabies (Hush Little Baby, Twinkle Twinkle, and Rock-a-Bye Baby), Christmas songs (Silent Night, Away in a Manger), and worship songs/hymns from my childhood (I Love You Lord, Worthy of Worship). It's funny what melodies and lyrics come to you in the middle of the night.
• (Sometimes) your pacifier. We held off trying this until almost 4 weeks. You still don't quite have the hang of it and usually spit it out after a few minutes. 
• Being swaddled. You like your arms out though.
• Looking at yourself in the mirror.
• Riding in the car and riding in the stroller. You usually fall asleep!
• Your bouncer seat.

I look forward to writing another post at 3 months to document all your changes and firsts. You've got a lot coming this month, from your first (and second, third, fourth, and fifth) airplane ride to meeting lots of family and friends!

We love you so very much and pray for you every day. We pray for your health, your development, your future, and most importantly your faith and growth in Christ.

XOXO,
Mommy

Today I'm proud of...LEAH!

Yes, I started this thing last Thanksgiving when I wrote this post. I intended to finish a post for each family member in just a few months. Turns out I only managed to write two blog posts in a full 12 months. Lame!

Well anyway, this is the 3rd installment, and hopefully the rest are coming soon!

Today I'm thankful for...my sister Leah.

I'm so thankful for her heart for others. I'm truly amazed at Leah's tireless efforts to find families and raise funds for children on the other side of the world through her work with Reece's Rainbow. She is an advocate, prayer warrior, cheerleader, funds-raiser, volunteer, and awareness-raiser. I sometimes get overwhelmed thinking about all the need in the world. Countless children have been abandoned, institutionalized, and neglected simply for having an extra chromosome or other disability. What can one person really do? But Leah doesn't give up! She is tireless and refuses to give up hope that every precious baby will find a forever family. From consignment sales to change drives to awareness walks to blogging to garage sales to giveaways, she's constantly trying to think of new ways to raise money for these kiddos and their families. While I'm busy thinking about myself, my needs, my kid, my husband (my, my, my), she's focused on the world outside our comfortable surroundings.

So to honor her, let me share these two cuties with you. Leah is always helping other families and other kiddos, but these two girlies are special to her. She has committed to advocate for them, especially Celine.

She has helped raise thousands of dollars for Celine over the past couple of years (check out Leah's blog here), and Celine's adoption grant is almost $30,000! That means when a family finds Celine and wants to adopt her, most of the costs will be covered. This is a huge blessing for this dear little one.You can help by donating to her fund or by sharing her story. Maybe you know someone who will end up being her family? Or maybe it's you! Leah has a goal of raising $1000 this Christmas for Celine (she is her Angel Tree Warrior). Donate $35 or more to get an ornament honoring this special child. Just click on the link and use ctrl+f to find her name on the page. Donations to this cause are Leah's main Christmas gift request this year. Leah is also always on the lookout for items (electronics, handmade items, gift cards) to be donated for benefit giveaways/auctions...let me know if you are interested!

Cora Lynne is also dear to Leah's heart, and your support for her is also much appreciated. Both girls are getting older (6 and 7 I believe) and are facing the move from the orphanage to the institution. As much as these babies fail to develop in their existing circumstances, they face even greater detriment once they are transferred. I wrote a little about the conditions in these institutions in my post about Sarah.

I'm also thankful for Leah's love for all things baby. She was such a huge help to me getting ready for Joshua's birth, and she's already a wonderful aunt! We had a great time sorting through clothes, putting together all his gear, and making plans. I'm proud of how she's stepped up at her church by faithfully volunteering in the nursery. It takes a special person to hang out with crying infants and dirty diapers by choice. :-)

She also spends a lot of time volunteering at and fundraising for the Alternatives Pregnancy Center. She wants to make sure these mommas and babies have nice things to "buy" at the little store they have. She's a serious bargain hunter and makes a beeline for the clearance racks at almost every store she's in, just to look for new cute clothes to provide for the center.




I'm truly inspired by Leah's selfless attitude and desire to make a difference in the world around her, as well as her faith. She's a special sister and I couldn't be more proud. I only hope that my post today might help those causes that are so near and dear to her heart.

I miss you girly, and I can't wait to see you at Christmas!

Love, Rebekah

No baby yet...but SOON!

I’m nearly a week overdue now (Monday marks 41 weeks), and I know everyone is wondering when this kid is going to show up! :-) So I wanted to let you know what was going on. If Baby M doesn’t decide to come on his own before tomorrow night, we’ll be headed to the hospital on Sunday evening (right at the end of that Cardinals game!) to start getting ready to induce! We are so excited to meet our little guy!

And now I hope you’ll allow me to be a bit vulnerable. I have to admit I was a little afraid to put anything online at all. I’m afraid of well-intentioned “advice” or opinions about how we have decided to proceed. You see I’m a little emotionally worn out at the moment, and I really need cheerleaders, not debates.

However, I didn’t want to let this fear keep me from being excited about birthing this baby, or for updating the many many people out there who have been so excited and encouraging throughout the pregnancy. Not to mention, I would really appreciate your prayers and support for a safe labor and healthy baby! SO I decided to go ahead and put the update out there.

You might be wondering what went into our decision to schedule induction. But guess what?

It doesn’t matter.

If there’s anything I’ve learned while being pregnant it’s that every woman, every baby, every pregnancy is different. There’s no “right” way to get pregnant, be pregnant, go into labor, or birth. Really. I promise.

Meds. No meds. Pitocin. Natural attempts at induction. Epidural. No epidural. Caesarean. Vaginal. VBAC. Birthing center. Home birth. Hospital. Midwife. OBGYN. Family practitioner. Doula. RN. Birth plan. No birth plan. Birth plan gone awry. Breastfeeding. Formula. And on and on…

None of these choices make you more or less of a woman or a mom.

*Gasp.*

The thing is, birth decisions are just precursors for all the decisions we will make that will impact this child’s life. Bottom line, we love our child and want to do what is best for him. So we have (and will) gather information, analyze the data, and make the best decision we can. THAT is what matters. There will be times we realize in hindsight that we didn’t make the best decision. There will be times as a mom that I agonize over whether I made the right decision or not…and I may never know. There will be times when we are right on with our decisions. And I’m certain there will be times we struggle to make a seemingly difficult decision that ends up having no lasting impact whatsoever.

This is just parenthood. And we’re all just doing the best we can with the knowledge, resources, abilities, and information that we have. And even if there were a “perfect” method, I’m not even sure I’d want to know about it, because I feel like the world would be a little boring if everyone was the same.

This concludes both my update and my mini-rant. Unless this little dude decides to get rockin’ in the next 24 hours, look for an update sometime Monday morning!

Love you guys bunches!

Rebekah

The road...often?...traveled

So this isn't the announcement. You guys already knew about this. :-) Now, I'd like to tell you a little about how we got here (no, not THAT).

I still can't get over it. If it weren't for the morning sickness/afternoon and evening nausea, I might even forget I was pregnant. It doesn't feel real yet, even after having our first ultrasound. The little peanut was 1 centimeter in this image. ONE. CENTIMETER. And we saw the heart beating at 140 bpm. I don't really have words to describe that feeling.

Yet despite this ultrasound, despite having all the lovely symptoms that go with the first trimester, despite having no reason to think something is wrong, I was slightly anxious about my appointment yesterday (11 weeks, 3 days). I didn't have another ultrasound, but we knew we should be able to hear the heart beat. I so desparately wanted to hear it, to know that the little life is still there. It took a few minutes (well, it seemed like forever!) to find the heartbeat, but at last she did! As she was searching for it, she warned us it might take some time because it's still so small, and at first we were chatting, and I was laughing about something. Then we still weren't finding it. I just closed my eyes and waited, but I was starting to get concerned, wondering what the next step would be if she couldn't find it, etc. Then, all of the sudden, thump-thump, thump-thump. What a beautiful sound. :-D We ALL smiled then. Whew. So aside from my Type A worrying personality, there's another reason I'm extra paranoid every time we go in and extra relieved when everything looks normal.

What I want to share is what I've come to realize is an all too common experience. In late November 2010, we found out we were pregnant. On Thanksgiving. Thank goodness Walgreens was open on a holiday for that we-have-to-double-check-with-the-digital-one test. We were in Sac visiting my family and caught the news-sharing on video. I'm posting it here because it holds sweet memories for me, and I haven't gotten to share it before.

So it's bittersweet, because our celebrations didn't extend beyond a week or so after that. At my best guess, I was about 5 or 6 weeks along. I began suspecting something wasn't right, so I went in for an early ultrasound. The tech's words that day are forever etched in my heart...I don't see anything. I got a blood test that day and the following Monday to confirm, but I knew what happened. My heart broke. I felt very very alone. We hadn't even gotten the chance to tell our friends and families the good news yet, when we had to call with bad news. I also felt so...not in control. For most of my life, I set my mind to accomplish something, and I just get it done. I hate feeling like I've failed at something. So that's what I felt like. I set out to make a baby, and I failed.

But you know what I learned? A LOT of women have had miscarriages...some more than one, two, three. Some women have the kind I had so early on they don't even realize they've been pregnant, maybe just that they were late. But we don't talk about it. Maybe we feel responsible, or like we think it will hurt worse if people know, but whatever the reason, it's like it's some kind of taboo to talk about it. I'll admit, it's very personal, and for a long time, it's not something I shared openly. For some reason now, I'll just volunteer it when I'm talking to people about this pregnancy. Granted, sometimes people are uncomfortable, they don't know what to say. Maybe that's why we don't talk about it.

But I really want to talk about it. There were two things that helped me get through that disappointment and sadness. The first was talking to other women who had experienced the same thing and who have gone on to have successful pregnancies. In fact, one of things that helped me get over my failure issues was talking to another woman who was also not used to failure and had experienced those same feelings through several miscarriages (she also has 3 beautiful kiddos, such an encouragement). So if my talking about it can help someone else who is going through this, it's worth it. 

The second thing was the amazing support system from family and friends. I received beautiful white lillies from my mother in law. I still have a precious sympathy card from my brother in law. People cried with us. People told us their own stories. These things are what get you through it. We told people fairly early on with this pregnancy because we wanted their support and prayers in case something happened. And to be fair, it still very much could. We have every reason--including my morning/afternoon/evening sickness--to think the kid is a strong little thing, but we don't know what the future holds.

So I'll end this crazy long post with a thank you for letting me share my heart and a request for your prayers to keep our little one safe and strong.

Lots of love!

Rebekah